I remember it vividly.
Yesterday, it was 9 o’clock, we were spitting words at each other. We were fighting a lot.
"We’re not going to be able to go back now, so let’s better stop.", you told me, but you weren’t screaming anymore. You were calm and cold, and in that moment, my heart stopped beating for you.
"I won’t ever look for you again! I want to escape from you! I was patient with your flaws, I don’t want to deal with them anymore! I want to live without you now!", I spat back at you. But I screamed, I was angry, I was mad at you.
I didn’t want to see you before me anymore, I didn’t want to see your cold-blooded expression, I didn’t want to hear your sharp voice anymore.
I grabbed my jacket and stormed out of your apartment, not thinking clearly.
'I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!!', I remember thinking to myself as I was walking towards my car.
And now… now I’m lyiing like a fool in my bed at 2:00 AM.
I’m angry, and I’m mad, and I’m sad and in pain. Everything hurts.
The night grows even deeper, and I can hear few passing cars on the streets.
My room is dark, the only source of light being the street lamps shining through my windows.
'There are a lot of girls in this world other than you!', I say to myself as I look at the ceiling.
My voice sounds so convincing as I mutter those words, then why is it that your face is appearing in front of me?
Your messy hair, your beautiful eyes, that smile that you were capable of only when I made a joke. Why is it that when morning approaches, my heart for you comes back like a habit?
Even though I woke up from the alcohol, I can’t wake up from last night’s mistake.
It was my fault, wasn’t it? I started the fight. I started to insult you. I started to blame you.
I’m feeling tired, and I’m not angry anymore, I’m just sad. So sad.
I take a deep breath, thinking about your last words.
You didn’t mean it, you didn’t want us to break up. You wanted me to tell you that I want you, you wanted to see that I care, you wanted me to tell you that we can go back to the happy times in a minute.
But I didn’t.
Because I’m an idiot.
Because I’m an idiot, I didn’t fight for you.
How stupid was I, to tell you that I was patient with your flaws. No one can be perfect. No one can do everything right, yet I said that to you.
You never would’ve said something so hurtful to me.
I look at the clock again. It’s 2:30AM after one day of us breaking up.
I took another deep breath, regretting everything, regretting ever hurting you, regretting not fighting for you, regretting just storming out of your apartment without saying anything else.
I don’t want my last words to be so harsh to you, I love you so much, I don’t want you to remember me like such scum.
I look at my phone’s display, and you are smiling on my background. I smile as I look at your picture, but I’m getting sad again.
Whenever I pick up my phone, I expect to see some kind of sign from you.
My hopes are crushed yet again, because there is no way you would pay any attention to me after last night’s mistake.
You must hate me, you must despise me… hell, you probably wish I were dead.
For how long am I going to lie like this? A lot of time must’ve passed. I’m just thinking about you, my heart has found you again and is yearning for you. My heart wants you back.
I want to call you, I want to turn your heart back, I want to hear your voice and I want you to tell me everything is going to be alright.
So I pick up my phone and decide to call you, but as soon as I dial your number, I hang up.
I’m not a coward, I won’t call you. I can do better than that. You deserve so much more than a phone call.
I get up, looking at the clock again.
3.30AM. Times passes so fast without you.
I put some pants and shirt on and rush to the door, grabbing my car keys.
My adrenaline rush is so out of control I don’t even realize how fast I’m arriving to my car.
I start the engine and directly head towards your apartment.
"How can I turn back your heart? How?’, I mumble to myself as I stop at a red light, my hands stiff on the wheel.
3, 2, 1… the light has turned green, but I still haven’t moved.
'But what if…', I start to mumble to myself. '…I can't get you back, what will I do?'.
My heart sinks again, and I feel helpless.
A car honk behind me woke me up from my daze, making me realize what a coward I am.
'You are better than this Byunghee, even if she doesn't take you back, at least you showed her how much you love her.', I said to myself and started the car again, the car behind me passing me and spitting some swears at me.
I speed up, rushing towards you.
I can already picture you in my mind. I’m sure you aren’t sleeping yet, you’re probably watching a movie on your laptop while sipping on some red wine.
Almost not realizing it, I arrive in front of your building, parking my car in a random spot.
The adrenaline flowing through my veins again, I step out of the car and run towards the door.
The wait in the elevator is torture, and it feels like arriving at the sixth floor takes an eternity.
Finally, the elevator doors open, and I step out, my whole body shaking.
I walk towards your door, my hands becoming sweatier and my breathing heavier.
I swallow hardly as I’m standing in front of your door, but there’s no turning back now.
I expect you to curse at me and to tell me to get lost, but that doesn’t matter, I’m here.
I knock two times, and I hear shifting from the other side of the door.
I know you’re looking through the peephole, getting angry, thinking of all the things you should scream at me.
I hear the knob turn, and the door slowly opens.
You are in front of me, crying.
But, you’re not just crying, you’re smiling as well.
Instantly, you wrap your arms around my neck and hug me, and I feel how you press yourself against me.
'I'm so, so sorry for everything.', I mumble between tears as I'm hugging you with all the might I'm capable of. 'I'm so sorry, I love you so much. I want you to stay with me forever.'
'Do you know how much I waited for you, you idiot?', you mumbled into my shoulder, hugging me even tighter.
'I know, I'm sorry I'm so late. It won't happen again, I promise.', I answer as the brightest smile covers my face.
You are in my arms, hugging me, loving me, and I feel how our hearts are becoming one again.
You were waiting for me, and it took me such a long time to answer your unspoken calls.
And I love you.
IT’S REALLLLLLY BEEN LONG, but I’m finally able to write again so I’m super happy!
My first scenario has to be a G.O one, ahahaha!
This one wasn’t a request, but it was inspired by JYJ’s “Two Thirty in the Morning” which is like the best song I heard in a while! Go check it out, it’s AMAZING!
I’ll post much more now, so don’t worry! I’ll do my best to keep my blog updated.
But believe me guys, I’m not choosing not to write. Because I still love wrting so so much and writing this was so fun, it’s just that things are hectic right now and I hope you understand me!
See you soon and lemme know what you thought about this! Lots of love, C! xx