I remember it vividly.

Yesterday, it was 9 o’clock, we were spitting words at each other. We were fighting a lot.

"We’re not going to be able to go back now, so let’s better stop.", you told me, but you weren’t screaming anymore. You were calm and cold, and in that moment, my heart stopped beating for you.

"I won’t ever look for you again! I want to escape from you! I was patient with your flaws, I don’t want to deal with them anymore! I want to live without you now!", I spat back at you. But I screamed, I was angry, I was mad at you.

I didn’t want to see you before me anymore, I didn’t want to see your cold-blooded expression, I didn’t want to hear your sharp voice anymore.

I grabbed my jacket and stormed out of your apartment, not thinking clearly.

'I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!!', I remember thinking to myself as I was walking towards my car.

And now… now I’m lyiing like a fool in my bed at 2:00 AM.

I’m angry, and I’m mad, and I’m sad and in pain. Everything hurts.

The night grows even deeper, and I can hear few passing cars on the streets.

My room is dark, the only source of light being the street lamps shining through my windows.

'There are a lot of girls in this world other than you!', I say to myself as I look at the ceiling.

My voice sounds so convincing as I mutter those words, then why is it that your face is appearing in front of me?

Your messy hair, your beautiful eyes, that smile that you were capable of only when I made a joke. Why is it that when morning approaches, my heart for you comes back like a habit?

Even though I woke up from the alcohol, I can’t wake up from last night’s mistake.

It was my fault, wasn’t it? I started the fight. I started to insult you. I started to blame you.

I’m feeling tired, and I’m not angry anymore, I’m just sad. So sad.

I take a deep breath, thinking about your last words.

You didn’t mean it, you didn’t want us to break up. You wanted me to tell you that I want you, you wanted to see that I care, you wanted me to tell you that we can go back to the happy times in a minute.

But I didn’t.

Because I’m an idiot.

Because I’m an idiot, I didn’t fight for you.

How stupid was I, to tell you that I was patient with your flaws. No one can be perfect. No one can do everything right, yet I said that to you.

You never would’ve said something so hurtful to me.

I look at the clock again. It’s 2:30AM after one day of us breaking up.

I took another deep breath, regretting everything, regretting ever hurting you, regretting not fighting for you, regretting just storming out of your apartment without saying anything else.

I don’t want my last words to be so harsh to you, I love you so much, I don’t want you to remember me like such scum.

I look at my phone’s display, and you are smiling on my background. I smile as I look at your picture, but I’m getting sad again.

Whenever I pick up my phone, I expect to see some kind of sign from you.
My hopes are crushed yet again, because there is no way you would pay any attention to me after last night’s mistake.

You must hate me, you must despise me… hell, you probably wish I were dead.

For how long am I going to lie like this? A lot of time must’ve passed. I’m just thinking about you, my heart has found you again and is yearning for you. My heart wants you back.

I want to call you, I want to turn your heart back, I want to hear your voice and I want you to tell me everything is going to be alright.

So I pick up my phone and decide to call you, but as soon as I dial your number, I hang up.

I’m not a coward, I won’t call you. I can do better than that. You deserve so much more than a phone call.

I get up, looking at the clock again.

3.30AM. Times passes so fast without you.

I put some pants and shirt on and rush to the door, grabbing my car keys.

My adrenaline rush is so out of control I don’t even realize how fast I’m arriving to my car.

I start the engine and directly head towards your apartment.

"How can I turn back your heart? How?’, I mumble to myself as I stop at a red light, my hands stiff on the wheel.

3, 2, 1… the light has turned green, but I still haven’t moved.

'But what if…', I start to mumble to myself. '…I can't get you back, what will I do?'.

My heart sinks again, and I feel helpless.

A car honk behind me woke me up from my daze, making me realize what a coward I am.

'You are better than this Byunghee, even if she doesn't take you back, at least you showed her how much you love her.', I said to myself and started the car again, the car behind me passing me and spitting some swears at me.

I speed up, rushing towards you.

I can already picture you in my mind. I’m sure you aren’t sleeping yet, you’re probably watching a movie on your laptop while sipping on some red wine.

Almost not realizing it, I arrive in front of your building, parking my car in a random spot.

The adrenaline flowing through my veins again, I step out of the car and run towards the door.

The wait in the elevator is torture, and it feels like arriving at the sixth floor takes an eternity.

Finally, the elevator doors open, and I step out, my whole body shaking.

I walk towards your door, my hands becoming sweatier and my breathing heavier.

I swallow hardly as I’m standing in front of your door, but there’s no turning back now.

I expect you to curse at me and to tell me to get lost, but that doesn’t matter, I’m here.

I knock two times, and I hear shifting from the other side of the door.

I know you’re looking through the peephole, getting angry, thinking of all the things you should scream at me.

I hear the knob turn, and the door slowly opens.

You are in front of me, crying.

But, you’re not just crying, you’re smiling as well.

Instantly, you wrap your arms around my neck and hug me, and I feel how you press yourself against me.

'I'm so, so sorry for everything.', I mumble between tears as I'm hugging you with all the might I'm capable of. 'I'm so sorry, I love you so much. I want you to stay with me forever.'

'Do you know how much I waited for you, you idiot?', you mumbled into my shoulder, hugging me even tighter.

'I know, I'm sorry I'm so late. It won't happen again, I promise.', I answer as the brightest smile covers my face.

You are in my arms, hugging me, loving me, and I feel how our hearts are becoming one again.

You were waiting for me, and it took me such a long time to answer your unspoken calls.

I’m sorry.

So sorry.

And I love you.

————————————————————————————————————————————

IT’S REALLLLLLY BEEN LONG, but I’m finally able to write again so I’m super happy!

My first scenario has to be a G.O one, ahahaha!

This one wasn’t a request, but it was inspired by JYJ’s “Two Thirty in the Morning” which is like the best song I heard in a while! Go check it out, it’s AMAZING!

I’ll post much more now, so don’t worry! I’ll do my best to keep my blog updated.

But believe me guys, I’m not choosing not to write. Because I still love wrting so so much and writing this was so fun, it’s just that things are hectic right now and I hope you understand me!

See you soon and lemme know what you thought about this! Lots of love, C! xx

Posting it tomorrow~ Stay tuned xx

Anonymous
Did jin ask you to be his gf or did it just turn out that way? I'm currently in a relationship with a guy long distance and I was wondering how you and your bf manage to stay so close and happy. Like what's your daily routine with him?

It just turned out that way. He never asked me to be his girlfriend.

He confessed his feelings to me, and after one week or so after he did, I did as well. There was never a conversation involving “are we together now? are we a couple now?” or anything like that. We just knew we were without saying it, because everything just seemed so right.

As for our daily routine…. we talk a lot on the phone. I think the thing that’s most important in a long distance relationship is to always make time for each other.

I had nights when I was staying up until 4-5AM with my friends but then still called him and talked one more hour with him, no matter how tired I was. 

Jin is always waking up really early (because of the time difference) to be able to talk with me at least 1-2 hours before I go to sleep.

We write letters to each other, we send tons of messages to each other, we always share tiny details of our lives with each other.

Whenever I wake up, I have tens of messages from him telling me about his day + pictures. Whenever he wakes up, he has the same from me.

We talk a lot on skype, always being happy that we can see each other’s faces and make each other laugh.

He always tells me a story on the phone to make me fall asleep, because he doesn’t want me to feel like I sleep alone, because I’m a little afraid of the dark, so he always helps me fall asleep.

And the most important thing is…it should never feel like an effort. For me and Jin, it comes naturally, because we love each other so dearly, we never see these things as effort, we see them as pleasing, because we love talking as much as we can to each other.

Sure, jealousy is even worse in a long distance relationship, but me and Jin learned to trust each other. We both know we’d never ever do anything harmful to each other. We’d never hurt each other.

That’s it I guess. The most important things are trust, conversation, and a loooooot of love and cheesy things hehehe.

(He’s like the cheesiest gut ever, I swear, and I usually hate cheesy things, but with him…dear god…he’s just so charming.)

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"I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, it just happened without me realizing it. You creeped into my heart, leaving place for nothing else. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but I’m so grateful I did.
me
Anonymous
I read your post and replies. Some of your post and replies are braggy and self centered.you post stories about how sad you are and then when random people gave you gd words, you act like it wont help u much. You thank them though, hypocritical much.

Are you serious or are you just acting stupid? just because I didn’t agree 100% with ONE message that someone sent me, I’m braggy and self centered? Are you insane?

I’m grateful for all the nice messages I’m receiving, I’m not a hypocrite in any way! And I never said those kind words wouldn’t help me, in the contrary, I said they would!

Don’t you know how to read? Go and do something else with your time instead of trying to make me feel selfish, because I know who I am and words like these from nobodys like you who just want to get some attention don’t affect me in the slightest.

P.S I hope that my followers know exactly how grateful I am for being so sweet and caring to me!

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my boyfriend is really tall (182 cm) but he told me that before highschool he was the average height and he was actually a little bit complexed about is but then in the 10th and 11th grade he said he just suddenly started growing and he grew 20cms in two years so he went from 160 to 182 in two years without any logical explanation and this is one of my favorite stories because ha also said his mom almost cried because she was so happy she has a tall son

Thank you so much loves, I’m blessed to have you guys as my followers. You are the best!! ヘ(^o^ヘ)

Anonymous
Hi~ How's everything going? Are you ok?

Thank you for asking! I’m doing fine, everything is pretty hectic right now but things are slowly settling down. <3

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Anonymous
Oh my god I'm so jealous that you have a korean boyfriend ;-: there was a Korean guy at my school that I really liked but he told me he didn't date foreigners (I'm German) because he thinks they're ugly and not attractive. But I'm so happy for you, you are a beautiful girl :3

Wow, but that’s pretty weird to be honest, because most Korean guys go crazy over white girls. Even my boyfriend told me that most of his friends are dying to have a white girlfriend, and that his friends were jealous of him for having me as his girlfriend.

I guess there are exceptions too!

Aber ich hoffe dass du dich deswegen nicht schlecht gefuhlt hast! Ich bin mir sicher dass es so viele Koreaner gibt die fur dich toten wurden!! hehehe

Und dankeschon, du bist wirklich suss!!!!! Danke danke <333

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